Out of Sync

Isn’t it amazing how life can be moving along smoothly, without any complications, and in an instant you find yourself ‘out of sync’? It doesn’t take anything significant to interrupt the free-flowing harmony of your life, but can be something very simple. It can be a phone call you receive that throws your entire day off schedule because you decide to answer instead of ignore. It can be a check you’ve written to a business or creditor who holds it too long and because you forgot…subsequent checks you write turn up with insufficient funds. It can be a matter of saying yes instead of no and the decision gives way to the birth of a child you weren’t planning to conceive. It’s not a matter of if, but more a matter of when you’ll find yourself ‘out of sync’ when it comes to life.

Not only can your general life periodically find itself ‘out of sync’, but your relationships and marriages can also enter into periods of being ‘out of sync.’ You used to communicate with one another without a hitch, but all of a sudden things change. The things you once saw eye-to-eye on no longer exist. The common goals and desires you once shared have now faded into obscurity. Your ability to connect on the very basics of life has now become a strenuous challenge. What do you do?

Now I’ve heard several of my married friends talk about ‘out of sync’ periods in their marriages and the discipline required to work through these periods. Strong marriages are able to navigate through these cyclical periods. However, there are many who are unable to weather the storms of being ‘out of sync’. I think this is sometimes referred to as ‘growing apart’ in instances of faded marital bliss.

When you are married, you have a greater level of accountability for working through these ‘out of sync’ periods. However, should you feel the same level of responsibility for dealing with these periods during a dating relationship? What happens when the person you are with no longer walks in harmony with you?

I believe we can all learn a valuable lesson through our relationship with God through Christ. Truth be told, we don’t always walk in alignment and harmony with Him, but we choose to hang in there because of His character and what He represents in our lives. Similarly, this should be a requirement for the relationships we choose to maintain and cultivate in our personal lives. Is the person we’re connected to a representative of love and character Christ offers to our lives? If so, hang in there because all relationships will have their ups and downs, and it’s irresponsible to flee at the hint of a temporary disconnect. If not, examine whether a change needs to be made in the status of your relationship.

KP

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Car Seats & Character by Paul Wilson, Jr.

Earlier this year I wrote this article on my own blog. In light of the very recent revelations of Tiger Woods’ “transgressions” (and many others before him this year), I thought it was a good time to repost it…

A couple weeks ago my family and I were returning from Miami after spending time with my wife’s family over the holidays. On the ride back to Atlanta our one-year-old threw up in the car, most of it landing in his car seat. For those of you with small children you know how hard it is to clean a car seat when your child spills something (or throws up) on it. Reluctantly, I cleaned him and the seat enough to continue our trip.

When we finally got home, of course we needed to remove the seat cover so it could be washed. To my dismay, I realized I would also have to clean the safety straps and all the small nooks and crevices, because the stuff seeped down under the cover into the base of the car seat. I know this sounds gross, but stay with me. I’m getting to my point…

My wife washed the seat cover in the washing machine. I knew I had to clean the safety straps and car seat base, but I figured I would get to it later that day (procrastination). Well, about two days passed before we needed the car seat again. So as we were all about the leave the house I was putting the seat cover back on and realized that I had forgotten what I was supposed to clean. I don’t have to describe to you what I found. Let your imagination take you there – or not.

Epiphany! I would compare the car seat base to a person’s foundation, which is their values. I would relate the safety harnesses to one’s character and habits, which should serve to prevent and protect them from poor decision making.

How often do we clean the obviously seen areas of our lives but forget, ignore, or procrastinate when dealing with the areas that are seemingly unexposed? We try to cover up with a well-groomed image, hiding the fact that we have soiled character, unresolved issues, or poor habits. “Fake it ’til you make it” works for a while, but eventually when your private stuff isn’t cleaned up, life will begin to stink in multiple areas, including your work, family, and relationships.

While one’s charisma can open doors, ultimately its one’s character that determines their long-term success. Lack of character and poor habits will rob you of credibility, confidence, and competence, which ultimately thwarts your ability to perform at your peak potential. Don’t let your life stink underneath the surface! And don’t allow your charisma to lead you places where your character can’t sustain you.

You know better than anyone “what lies beneath”. Identify it and deal with it in private, so you don’t have to worry about getting exposed in public. You don’t want to be one of the character casualties that we see too often these days.

Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.
Transform your dreams from an idea to reality… www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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Playing in the Symphony of Life by Paul Wilson, Jr.

I am a big music lover. One particular genre of music that I have always been intrigued by is symphonies. Although you have all these different instruments with different attributes playing at one time, they play at the same tempo, complementing each other with perfect pitch, harmony, and timing. Everyone is literally and figuratively playing from the same sheet of music. Solos happen, but only at specific times.

It amazes me that all these individually talented musicians are led by a single conductor. The conductor doesn’t play the instruments, he/she just directs. This type of mentality reminds me of the Ultimate Conductor, God. And each of us represents instruments of His love and grace. All of are different instruments, but as a whole we complement each other perfectly.

Like the conductor of an orchestra, His role is to direct His universal symphony, not play the instruments. He has given all of His children special gifts, talents, and abilities. He expects us to develop and maximize what He’s given us – to play at the highest level, the level of a maestro.

When we don’t develop and utilize what we’ve been given, something is missing from His symphony. The harmony isn’t quite right. The sound isn’t as full. The listeners are cheated of a fulfilling experience. And the Conductor is disappointed.

From another perspective, as talented as each musician may be, they realize the orchestra is bigger than one instrument. It takes all instruments performing a specific piece at a specific time to make the symphony the best it can be. If any musician wants to do his/her own thing, it throws everyone else out of sync. Are you living in sync with the people with which you live, work, and play, or are you playing dissonant chords?

In order to get the best experience from God’s “symphony of life”, you have to be on the same page with the Conductor. That means you need to read from the sheet music He has already written, the Bible. This incredible book provides the right notes, timing, and insights to help you maximize your ability to play the instrument that was specifically designed for your life.

You will ultimately experience frustration and failure if you try to write your own symphony. Your attitude should be to do what God is blessing. Don’t ask God to bless what you are doing, because you might be playing music that He didn’t write or you’re trying to play the right thing at the wrong time.

In order to be fulfilled in your role in His symphony, you need to be well versed in what He’s doing during this season of your life. Study His Word and stay connected to Him and His people. Practice to improve your skills, talents, and abilities. Don’t try to steal the spotlight by playing solo until it’s your time to do so. Follow where the Director is leading so you can be a beautiful piece of the most glorious composition ever written.

I want to teach you how to maximize your ability to play in His symphony. I would like to present to you the Dream B.I.G. in 3D Live Experience. Based on content from my high regarded book, this interactive, high-energy seminar will provide timely inspiration and practical instruction to empower you to “Live in 3D!” by equipping you to:

1. Discover Your Dream
2. Develop Your Dream
3. Drive To Your Dream

Your B.I.G. Dream Coach,
Paul Wilson, Jr.

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Are You Dreaming big or B.I.G.? by Paul Wilson, Jr.

There is a significant different between a big dream and a B.I.G. dream. In our society, big dreams often consist of certain accomplishments or the acquisition of material possessions whose eternal value fades with time. Unfortunately, many times the benefits of the dream only go to the dreamer as they aspire to fulfill long-held fantasies that distance them from reality.

Conversely, a B.I.G. – Bold, Innovative, God-Inspired – dream is not about escaping from reality. Instead it’s an opportunity to begin the journey to create a new reality based upon the daring, ingenious, good-influenced ideas God has placed in your heart. It’s about leveraging your personality, talents, opportunities, and experiences in refreshing ways that significantly impact other’s lives.

Dreaming B.I.G. will compel you to creatively use your unique purpose, passions, and professional skills to positively impact generations. Dreaming B.I.G. will challenge you to live a legacy so that you can leave a legacy.

I want to teach you how to dream B.I.G. On Saturday, November 21st in Marietta, Georgia, I will be presenting the Dream B.I.G. Live Experience. Based on content from my highly regarded book, Dream B.I.G. in 3D: How to Pursue a Bold, Innovative, God-Inspired Life, this interactive, high-energy seminar will teach you how to get your dreams out of your head and into your life. You will receive timely inspiration and practical instruction to empower you to “Live in 3D!” by equipping you to:

1. Discover Your Dream
2. Develop Your Dream
3. Drive To Your Dream

It’s time to transform your dream from an idea into reality. Don’t miss this momentous opportunity to gain key insights from the author, learn how to dream B.I.G., engage with other B.I.G. dreamers, and finally start living your B.I.G. dreams!

For more details, please visit http://dreambigin3dlive.eventbrite.com

Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.

www.paulwilsonjr.com

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Purpose-Driven vs Passion-Driven Relationships – Part 2 by Paul Wilson, Jr.

In last week’s post I talked about various characteristics of purpose and passion in relationships. Today’s post is focused on how you balance both of these essential elements during the developmental stages of your relationships. And keep in mind these principles can be applied to just about any relationship, including family, friends, romantic, plutonic, business, etc.

A lot of time and frustration could be saved if more people understood the power of purpose in relationships. A purpose-driven relationship means that the purpose – reason it exists – of the relationship takes on a greater value than the individual needs, wants, or desires of the individuals involved. They recognize they have chosen to come together (or have been brought together) for something special.

Purpose-driven relationships focus on the integrated vision and mission of the parties involved in the relationship. In essence, each person submits themselves to the long-term sustainability and viability of the relationship in order to achieve something far greater than they could accomplish on their own. The fusion of their unified purpose is greater than the individual purposes by themselves.

These relationships are not devoid of passion. Passion is generated by your merged interests, desires, and motivations, which provide the fuel to accomplish the vision/mission. This type of passion is much more sustaining than just emotions and feelings. It comes from a deeply shared desire to do something and be part of something wonderfully significant.

Relationships that are built only on emotions and feelings won’t have longevity, because our emotions ebb and flow constantly. Purpose provides an anchor for the relationship, so that when your feelings are fluctuating you can refocus on the important things each of you has committed to. Your commitment to the purpose helps you weather the tough times. You are better positioned to maintain your focus on the long-term benefits instead of the short-term challenges.

Don’t underestimate the power of purpose in any relationship. Make sure you understand the reason you’re in that relationship and define the long-term expectations and goals early. If not, what may seem great in the beginning could eventually lead to a relational disaster.

Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.
Transform your dream from an idea into a purpose-driven, passionate, prosperous life!… www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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Purpose-Driven vs Passion-Driven Relationships – Part 1 by Paul Wilson, Jr.

Passion can be like jet fuel, propelling you with lightning speed toward your dreams. It can also be an intoxicating elixir that blinds you from the realities of the situation or circumstances you might be in. The passion that you leverage to accomplish great feats, is the same passion that can hurt you as it relates to building meaningful, sustainable relationships – if you don’t put passion in its proper perspective.
In relationships, you need both purpose and passion. Unwittingly, people tend to rely on the persuasion of passion more than the principles of purpose.
While I believe passion and purpose are both needed in relationships, there is a distinct difference in terms of the benefits they provide. Here are a few differences between what passion and purpose does in relationships:
o Passion provides connection; purpose provides conviction.
o Passion provides fervor; purpose provides foundation.
o Passion provides momentum; purpose provides direction.
o Passion provides motivation; purpose provides meaning.

Check back next week as I talk more about how you develop purpose-driven relationships.

Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.

Transform your dream from an idea into a purpose-driven, passionate, prosperous life!… www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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Uninvited Guests – Part 1

The more I research the topic of relationships, the more confirmation I obtain about the number of complexities men and women bring to the table in pursuit of healthy relationships. Most recently I explored the following question: “How Can A Seemingly Good Man or Woman Still Be Single?” Well…upon further review I’ve realized that men and women can appear to be good externally, have there material and professional ducks in a row, but noticed a number of their relationships are eventually derailed by uninvited guests.

Now you may be sitting there with a perplexed look on your face, but many of us (me included) have at some time brought some uninvited guests into our relationships. My next couple of blog submissions will take a look at several of these uninvited guests along with their impacts. It’s a good time to see if you can personally relate to any of these? If not, then share with a friend or co-worker.

For Men

Desperate Chick Memories – One of the quickest ways for you to disqualify yourself from being blessed with a Proverbs 31-esque woman is to bring memories of past desperate chicks along with you. Unfortunately, too many of our brothers feel as if ALL women are desperate and will do just about anything to say they are in relationships. This may be true for women with low self-esteem, who are uneducated or who lack proper guidance. However, women who bring education, self-esteem, self-sufficiency and a desire for relational partnership to the table are more interested in building a future than catering to your past. What does this mean for you? It means that you must be willing to embrace the progressive, entrepreneurial and successful mindsets in exchange for the insignificant, irrelevant ego-boosters from your past.

For Women

‘Outside’ Male Advisors – One of the quickest ways for you to escalate the anger level in a man is to emasculate him by placing too much focus and faith in outside male advisors. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t solicit information from men you value in order to guide you through situations. However, I am saying that you should allow men to grow, mature and develop through experiences without constantly comparing them to your fathers and/or pastors. One of the most frustrating situations from a man’s perspective is to have another man with significant input in your relationship when it’s unsolicited. I say this especially to my sisters who hold their pastors and ministers in high esteem. Please remember that your man->fiancé->husband is the one who needs to be empowered to make decisions without being compared to your fathers, pastors, etc. Your pastors and fathers each had the opportunity to learn through individual experiences, so please don’t remove this opportunity from the men in your lives. I know this may not sit well with some of you and that’s okay…I’m simply sharing the message for you to contemplate.

Stay tuned for the next edition of “Uninvited Guests – Part 2” as I will continue highlighting many of the uninvited guests that hinder the formation of healthy, successful relationships.

Kenny Pugh (kka ‘KP’)
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Getting Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable by Paul Wilson, Jr.

Sometimes the things that feel safest are the most limiting and debilitating as it relates to fulfilling your potential. Your comfort zone can actually become a cage that keeps you from flying and flourishing.

What’s interesting is that most people who never venture outside of their comfort zones always have this “what if” in the back of their minds. They constantly wonder what more could they be doing with their lives if they would just be willing to take a risk.

Faith doesn’t require you to be comfortable with your decision before you exercise it. Faith is your active participation as a confident demonstration of divine expectations. So whether you’re comfortable or not, stepping outside your comfort zone to do things that are unfamiliar yet beneficial shows God that you trust Him more than yourself.

Here are a couple nuggets to help you get more comfortable with being uncomfortable:
 You will stay stuck if you never challenge the boundaries of your comfort zone.
 Opportunities for greatness are not going to present themselves inside your comfort zone.
 You can’t flow in your gifts if you’re not willing to jump in the currents of obstacles and opportunity.
 If you’re afraid of criticism, get over it. Whether or not you’re doing anything, you will still get criticized.
 Don’t wait until you feel like doing something to act on it. Act your way into feeling, because opportunities will pass you by if you only act based on how you feel.

Growth happens outside your comfort zone not inside. If you want to grow your impact, influence, and affluence you must continually challenge yourself. What’s neat is that as you continually challenge yourself in new ways, your fear shrinks and your tolerance for new experiences swells. Your comfort zone increases.
Don’t wait for opportunity to knock on your door. Go knock down the door of opportunity. Don’t die with regrets for what you didn’t do that you could have done. And don’t live with regrets, envying others who are doing what you could be doing.
It’s time to jump. You are either going to fly or He’s going to catch up. No matter what, it’s all good!

Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.

Transform your dream from an idea into a purpose-driven, passionate, prosperous life!… www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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What Will He Find? by Kimberly Bradford

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” Proverbs 18:22 NIV

Over the past few months in several of my social circles I’ve listened to women many of whom are single, talk about their dating experiences and or marriage plans. Across the board these women would be considered successful in their various fields and possess qualities that they believe qualify them as wife material but struggled in their romantic lives. Upon further conversation in group and/or personal settings, I found that some of my sisters in Christ continually struggle with this issue and it forced me to delve deep into my own personal situation to see what really lies beneath the surface. Everybody can recite verbatim Proverbs 18:22 but when it comes to really understanding that verse and the following passages in Proverbs, paying close attention to Proverbs 31, it shed some light on a very personal issue.

When you’re past a certain age and you’re single people love to ask the question, “Why aren’t you married?” The answers can be as profound as a dissertation, as complex as a finite problem, or as simple as “I don’t know.” Personally, my answer is both complex and simple: Until recently, I just wasn’t ready. Some would quickly add the rebuttal “It just isn’t your time.” Now that sounds good and sweet but really, there is some personal accountability that has to be recognized. So I asked myself one simple question: What will he find?

The bible says that a virtuous woman is one that: Her husband can trust, she will do him good and not evil, works well with her hands, she rises early, gives food to her household and to her maidens, is enterprising, industrious, her speech reveals her heart, watches over her household and is not idle etc. When I read that and looked at myself, I realized I had some changes to make.

How could I possibly think I was ready to submit to a husband when I hadn’t totally submitted to God? I could not be considered a virtuous woman if I told half truths that equaled whole lies looking to please instead of being honest. Have I been financially responsible? If I couldn’t let go of the past in order to trust him, how could I ever expect him to trust me? These are just a few of the questions that I asked myself and it wasn’t until I became brutally honest that I began to make progress.

Patience is a virtue and I as I patiently wait to be found I understand that this isn’t a season of idleness. I’m constantly working, making sure that I meditate daily and spend time alone with God for guidance and wisdom. With that, I’m spending time with Him so I’ll know how to treat “him.” I have to be prepared mentally, physically and spiritually for what’s to come and we all know that if you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready.

Kimberly Bradford

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Can You ‘Do It’ Standing Up?

It is absolutely amazing to me how many people strategically utilize sex to attract attention from those they have an interest in. Unlike many of my fellow brethren who proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I am not ashamed to acknowledge my past active sex life. As a matter of fact, I periodically reflect over my past personal escapades and recognize that chapter serves as a very relevant point of reference in my life. That’s why I am so passionate about the message I share with both men and women. I have had my share of sexual experiences and often chuckle at the various attempts women use to temporarily shift my focus. Why? Because I understand that physical fulfillment comes a dime a dozen. The question I will now pose in response to blatant and sly sexual advances is “Can you ‘do it’ standing up?”

Allow me to make this quick public service announcement to all of the men and women who feel compelled to utilize your body as a bargaining tool for establishing relationships. No matter how good you think your sex is…there is someone out there better than you! Now before you become offended, the previous sentence may not have been meant for you . Continue reading…

My Sisters
From the standpoint of pure sexual experiences, most men will admit that there is no sex better than NEW sex. That’s why it’s dangerous to become involved in relationships where flesh is the staple holding it together. Let an attractive woman with the bangin’ body cross the path of the ‘boyfriend’ who doesn’t truly care about YOU or value your friendship. The prospect of pursuing, entertaining and ultimately conquering the new challenge is much more exciting than dealing with you as the ‘old faithful.’ You could be doing EVERYTHING right, but will be left heartbroken if he doesn’t operate by the spirit and is unappreciative of the value you bring to the table. That’s why it’s important for you to ask him the question “Can you ‘do it’ standing up?” A man who can bring you spiritual covering and fulfillment standing up is worth much more than one who can only lustfully satisfy you lying down.

My Brothers
Now, I won’t allow my sisters off the hook because there are a number of women who are also driven by the flesh. Their actions and pursuit of sexual variety similar to the reality television stars also leads to heartbroken men. I think we often overlook the women cheaters, which is unfortunate because that component plays a part in the downfall of some male-female relationships. If you allow the wrong focus to stimulate a woman’s interest, you may find yourself in a situation where your quest for a serious relationship is camouflaged through buddy status or an informal ‘maintenance man’ contract. Before getting involved with the next woman be sure to ask “Can you ‘do it’ standing up?” A woman who brings you peace while standing up is worth much more than one who can only satisfy you lying down.

Can You ‘Do It’ Standing Up?
What do I mean by ‘doing it’ standing up? The reality is there are men and women in almost every setting of life capable of bringing you happiness lying down. Each of us who has tasted the forbidden fruit should have personal testimonies to support this. How many times must you go through the same test where you figure out the person you are dating is ill-equipped to satisfy you standing up only after having given yourself to him/her physically? Your quest should now center on following Christ and connecting with the man/woman who brings you happiness through non-physical means. Stop allowing yourself to remain in emotional bondage to relationships that hinge on 45 minutes – 1 hour (on average) sessions of physical intimacy with a boyfriend/girlfriend. There are 24 hours in a day and 45 minutes/1 hour pales significantly in comparison to the other 16 hours (24 hours/day – 8 hours of sleep) of involvement with someone who doesn’t make you happy. Don’t fail the same test again!

Next time ask if he/she can ‘do it’ standing up and here are some examples of what I mean:
1. Can he/she demonstrate a commitment to follow Christ? ( Luke 9:23)
2. Can he/she show the love of Christ in their interaction with others? (Matthew 25:35-40)
3. Can he/she offer godly counsel to you as a friend? (Psalm 1:1)
4. Can he/she show evidence of spiritual fruit? (Galatians 5:22)
5. Can he/she forgive those from their past? (Matthew 18:21-35)
6. Can he/she show support for the things that are important to you?
7. Can he/she show the ability to resolve conflict?
8. Can he/she produce a vision for the future?
9. Can he/she communicate effectively?
10. Can he/she show continual desire to improve in every area of life (spiritual, financial, professional, physical, emotional and mental, etc.)?

‘Doing it’ standing up has far greater impact to the purpose of life. Two people coming together with purpose is much more powerful than 1.5. Don’t allow temporary release to blind your ability to make good, sound, spiritual decisions. If you keep doing the same thing, you’ll continue getting the same results!

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