In a previous post I dealt with the often publicized, overwhelming discrepancy between available women to men, and refuted the argument of men being in a more enviable position. In dissecting the variance between the two, I broke down why I believe the numbers are blown way out of proportion. At the beginning of that post I promised to provide my personal analysis on the various types of men and characteristics that identify them. However, I want to first deal with why it’s time for men to now man up. Here is the reason why! A close friend made the comment that my evaluation, while being accurate (for the most part), categorized women based on their current state versus what their overall potential is and I totally agree. The categories I placed women in was based on the demonstration of what we see today and not reflective of how they arrived at that categorical point. As aforementioned, I do believe that we (men) are at the source of the issues that women experience and demonstrate. Let me illustrate my point further.
The African-American society is now at one of the worst points that it is has ever been in history. Critics, media and community publicists all weigh-in and begin blaming and pointing the finger at the cause of our societal and cultural demise. I agree that the liberated black woman movement has definitely caused a shift in how the family structure was traditionally built, but also recognize the desire for a woman to better herself should not be seen as a negative quality. After all it is not her fault that men have lost motivation to better themselves. Despite the varying issues our African-American women possess today, you can often identify one of us (men) as the source of many of their troubles. What questions should we ask of our black men?
1. Why are so many of us not finishing high school and opting to simply underachieve? It is not okay for this trend to continue, especially in a society that is demanding higher qualifications for some of the most basic employment opportunities. There is definitely a specific group of men that are better served pursuing alternative learning and skill development training (trade schools), but this should be the exception to the rule and not the norm. We identify cancer as a disease that eats away at the various portions of a person’s body. Similarly, underachievement is one of the cancerous demonstrations that we as men, are contributing to a society that is already dying a slow death. When men make conscious decisions to live below expectations, it a slap in the face of the many people who came before us. The ones who suffered bled and died for the very things we take for granted. Education, freedom, motivation and strong work ethic are things that used to matter to the ones formerly known as ‘head of the household.’ However, many of us are satisfied at utilizing ‘the white man’ and ‘circumstances of life’ as reasons to continue living as generational underachievers. It is time to man up!
2. Why are so many of us looking for the quick-fix hustle and instant wealth gratification? The media and entertainment industry glorifies the hip-hop movement, sports figures and often associate popularity with money. However, the harsh reality is 99% of men will NEVER make a hit album or play professional sports. I know that we should not try to deflate the dream of our young people and it is not my intention to do so. It is the responsibility of mature African-American men to make sure the younger generation is prepared to be successful in ALL walks of life. It is okay to encourage our young people to excel in football, basketball, baseball, golf, etc. It is also necessary that we balance out their athletic appetite with a healthy dose of academic reality. Unfortunately, our predecessors have dropped the ball in this regard and today’s generation is reaping what was sowed years ago. We are headed down a path that will eventually lead to the African-American male becoming known as Mr. Irrelevant. BLACK MEN, WE CANNOT AFFORD TO LET THIS HAPPEN!! It is time to man up!
3. Why are we so quick to make babies, but so slow to commit to taking care of one? In looking at the statistics, it is startling to see the rapid increase of single parent households. According to about.com, there are 14 million single parents who are responsible for raising 21.6 million children. Of the single parents reported, 83.1% are women, while 16.9% are men. What do these statistics tell us? Let’s look more specifically at the African-American community. According to singleblackparents.com, 63% of African-American households are headed by a single parent. Over 85% of the single parents are women and 46% of them have attended college. Well the statistics allow us to see a trend of men who are not solidifying the God-ordained structure of the household. The statistics also show us that contrary to popular belief, almost half of the single parent women have some level of college education. This means that they are still pursuing their dreams despite encountering a bump in the road of life called love masked in the form of a non-committal, immature, unmotivated and irresponsible man. It is amazing how minutes of pleasure lead to the destruction of a child, family and ultimately a society. It is time for men to man up!
Parting Thought – Although white America has seemingly written us off, we serve a God that is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all we can ask or think. Hallelujah! Don’t allow the past curses of your family to keep you from living the abundant life that God has called us to live. The African-American family needs strong, black men more than ever. How do we reclaim the family structure that God so lovingly cherishes? Start thinking with your ‘intellectual’ head, start treating women with the same respect you would treat a beloved sister or mother with, start living up to the accountability that God delegated when He designated us head of the household. We are not only basketball players or football players, but we can become influential members of society. There is nothing wrong with becoming a doctor, lawyer, entrepreneur (legal of course) or corporate executive(s). Start dreaming big, but remember that an entire generation will be lost if we continue at our current pace. It is time for men to man up! Amen.
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KP!!!
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS POST!! As a woman who has obtained a couple of secondary education degrees, it was somewhat disheartening that me desiring something better for myself and my future family (children and husband), placed me in the “unattainable” group by men. I never thought when getting my higher education that achieving that goal would disqualify me from my fellow brothers (white or black), almost like a stigma..Thank you for posting this..I bless you Man of God!!!
Very well said.. definitely a post which brings hope and helps to keep smiling..
I agree! It is good to see a man saying this. An older Black man told me two years ago that the Black man is not pulling his fair share in succeeding in life. He said the Black woman has excelled and did well with getting ahead. Since then I have observed various men and the media. Black woman were said to have too high standards. Well I personally have high standards for myself my child and anyone I.m associated with and the standards are achievable for those persons. I found when I did lower my standards some of those very people I was trying to help were the ones trying to destroy me, so sad. People should say that if she can do it I can do it too. Not if she can do it I am gonna knock her down. Thanks for writing the truth. Once the man the head of the household gets himself together spiritually and all areas the woman, and then children will line up.