Brighter Day by Kirk Franklin

Listen to this if you need some “pick me up” music!!

Deuces by Chris Brown

If you’re looking for a theme song to send that man or woman out of your life with a bang…consider this one by Chris Brown. Just kidding…I do like this song too!

Moment for Life by Nicki Minaj/Drake

Sometimes I get in a hip hop state of mind and this is one of the songs I’m diggin’! #dontjudgeme

Can’t Be Friends – Wish We Never Did it!

I’ve had the privilege over the past two days to post discussion questions on the topic “Can men and women be friends?” At the surface the answer is very simple…”Of course they can be friends.” With all factors being equal, two grown, adult individuals should have no trouble maintaining a level of positive interaction while not approaching the emotional boundaries that typically send one of the involved parties into a state of desiring more.

Let’s be real for a minute…scenarios involving men and women, born of God and created with emotions seem to be a little more complex than vanilla question posed in the first sentence.

Back to reality…

I’ve recently become enamored with Trey Songz’ hit “Can’t Be Friends.” This song has a very nice flow, is pretty straightforward and encompasses so many emotions men and women embody when they find themselves connected to someone. I know the direct connotation of “I wish we never did it…” refers to crossing the physical boundaries of passion and allowing themselves to become in love/lust with the experiences. I would like to also take creative liberty to further expound upon this connotation. I’d like to offer-up that a lot people (including Christians) wished they had not fantasized about having an enhanced relationship with someone who God never cleared, certified or confirmed the mutual feelings with. Sometimes it is even more dangerous to allow one’s emotions to be tied to a self-initiated, tunnel vision view that so often results in a disappointing life experience…also known as heartbreak.

Do you know why disappointment settles into our lives? It is a result of our reality never reaching our expectations. Whenever our reality falls short of our unmanaged expectations disappointment is certain to occur.

Can men and women really be friends? Yes…but both have to have the maturity and selflessness required to ensure the emotional and physical boundaries are never breached. If either party finds themselves in an unhealthy state of mind, it may be in their best interest to retreat from the friendship in order to regain emotional stability. I’ve lost several friends due to an imbalance of how we viewed one another, but gained a level of respect for them because they knew the value in disconnecting from me in order to find stability. It is at this point that I feel led to include the super-spiritual advice of “Let God fill the void in your life,” but will refrain and advise that you “Allow God’s wisdom to steer you out of situations that are emotionally unhealthy for you.” However, if you are able to manage your emotional connection with the other person, then make the most of a friendship that may be used to teach you something in preparation for your future.

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YES…I’m Human Too!!!

I’ve been reflecting on the event(s) that have taken place over the past week and had to take an assessment of what I’m giving off. Accepting a call into ministry places the minister in a position where the public looks at him or her under a different lens. This is why it’s very dangerous for those who enter into ministry for other reasons other than to share the message of Christ. The old folks say that many are called, but only a few are chosen. Most ministers don’t run towards the call of ministry and most will tell you they actually tried to run away. The reason is because of the AWESOME responsibility associated with sharing God’s message with His people. I tried to elude my call into ministry for years before I actually relinquished control and surrendered unto Him.

Ministry extends a special perceived power to the vessel God calls and this power can be both positive and negative. Unfortunately, because of people’s humanity, some desire to use it to manipulate and take advantage of those seeking to find hope through messages that are supposedly shared from the “Word of God!” However, others recognize that when the message of God is shared from a God-focused perspective, it can help transform the lives of people forever by offering salvation, hope, love, peace and comfort.

I accepted my call into ministry because I understood that God is in control and wanted to allow myself to be used for the purpose He created me for. I realized that He designed and purposed me to leverage my past successes and failures in order to pour into the lives of unmarried Christians across the world. Fortunately, I’ve had the opportunity to speak at singles conferences, workshops, Sunday morning services, panel discussions and more. Despite all of the doors God has opened for me, I still take periodic looks in the mirror and remind myself that I’m human too.

I am a man born of a woman with few days and full of trouble (Job 14.1). By virtue of my humanity, I too have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:23). I have to be mindful about portraying an image that gives off an aura of perfection. Any ministry leader who operates with a pedestal mentality will ultimately fall or be struck down. God is jealous and won’t allow anyone to place himself/herself in a position to solicit worship.

I will continue blogging about my experiences, both positive and negative…I’m human too. I recognize the only vessel of perfection came in the person of Jesus Christ. I have and will continue to fall short, but won’t play God’s grace card as a reason to intentionally sin. I am a heterosexual man who is attracted to women. Because of my past experiences, I have to be very mindful of placing myself in compromising positions that may tempt me to cross the boundaries of purity. The same challenges unmarried Christians face in the journey of celibacy, I face and deal with daily too. I DO NOT desire to have people place me on a pedestal, but merely want to serve as an example for people to reference when and if they start to feel weary in the Christian walk.

I will continue preaching. I will continue speaking. I will continue promoting healthy relationships. I will continue teaching and facilitating workshops. I will continue learning to deal with temptations. I will continue living life daily by denying myself, taking up my cross and following Christ (Luke 9:23). But at the end of the day…I have to remember that I’m human too and need God’s continual mercy and grace.

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A New Season

Today marks the first day of Fall and I decided that it was time for me to make changes along with the season. I’m actually ashamed that I allowed the busyness of life to take me away from one of the things I thought was important to me…writing. Time will ultimately reveal if my writing is really a life passion or simply a fad. Se lah

I digress…

I never really paid attention to it, but it seems as if God was preparing me over the past couple of months for this change of season. For some reason I woke up this morning with an extreme sense of peace despite knowing something different is taking place in my life. As I posted via Facebook, I know I’m going through a purging process where it feels as if things are being shifted and removed from my life. This feeling seems very familiar and last time it occurred I ended up accepting my call into ministry, losing some ‘friends’ and making a vow of celibacy. It’s a great feeling to know God is able to provide a sense of peace during a time when I would have normally started to freak out (thinking back to 2004). I am humbled that my spiritual maturity has taken me to this place. I’m not sure if it was meant to correspond with today’s calendar change of seasons, but God seems to align things in a way that only He can receive the glory. A new season brings about opportunity for new experiences and new praise!

What is the moral of the story for you?
1. Recognize that God is always in control of life no matter what it looks like.
2. Give God praise in advance for the things that are taking place in your life even when they don’t feel good to you.
3. If everyday seems comfortable to you, then you have to ask if you are truly being expanded.
4. Be willing to sacrifice and let some things/people go in order to make room for the new things/people God wants to send your way.
5. When you begin to doubt, refer to point #1.

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Relationship Tip of the Week – July 7, 2010

Are your expectations too high? Disappointment occurs when your reality doesn’t meet your expectations. Have you set your bar of expectation so high that no one will ever be able to reach it? It is okay to have desires, but make sure that you are personally willing and able to live up to the criteria you have put in place. It is unacceptable to request that your mate be God-fearing, financially savvy and compassionate, if you ARE NOT striving towards those same goals.

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Let’s Wait A While – Are You Worth The Wait?

In 1986, Janet Jackson came out with a popular hit titled “Let’s Wait A While” that took the country by storm. The words of the hit song used to epitomize the approach that ‘quality’ women took when dealing with men in dating and relationships. Unfortunately, things have shifted from “Let’s Wait A While” to a “have-to-have it” mentality.

The modern day approach is pretty predictable and standard. Man meets woman. They exchange information. They go out. Man taps into the mind of the woman. Proper mind tapping results in an open heart and open body experience. It’s usually that easy. Tupac stated it best in his song “I Get Around” when he said, “I don’t want it if that’s easy!” This can be better translated as “I won’t want YOU if it’s that easy!”

Now there is nothing wrong with the above formula as long as it’s with the person you are destined to spend your life with. However, the above equation has gone from a Hollywood fairytale experience, to a merry-go-round experience with the flavor of the week. Would you share your retirement account with someone who isn’t vested? Well, why treat your personal treasure with someone who isn’t licensed? Hmmm…

Have women taken on a more male-minded mentality when it comes to sex?
Do women have a ‘probation’ period before they release themselves physically to someone they’re dating?
Why NOT make men wait for the prize if you believe it’s worth it?

Why don’t men take a “Let’s Wait A While” approach when dealing with women?
Do men not respect women who make a commitment to saving their treasure for marriage?

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Out of Sync

Isn’t it amazing how life can be moving along smoothly, without any complications, and in an instant you find yourself ‘out of sync’? It doesn’t take anything significant to interrupt the free-flowing harmony of your life, but can be something very simple. It can be a phone call you receive that throws your entire day off schedule because you decide to answer instead of ignore. It can be a check you’ve written to a business or creditor who holds it too long and because you forgot…subsequent checks you write turn up with insufficient funds. It can be a matter of saying yes instead of no and the decision gives way to the birth of a child you weren’t planning to conceive. It’s not a matter of if, but more a matter of when you’ll find yourself ‘out of sync’ when it comes to life.

Not only can your general life periodically find itself ‘out of sync’, but your relationships and marriages can also enter into periods of being ‘out of sync.’ You used to communicate with one another without a hitch, but all of a sudden things change. The things you once saw eye-to-eye on no longer exist. The common goals and desires you once shared have now faded into obscurity. Your ability to connect on the very basics of life has now become a strenuous challenge. What do you do?

Now I’ve heard several of my married friends talk about ‘out of sync’ periods in their marriages and the discipline required to work through these periods. Strong marriages are able to navigate through these cyclical periods. However, there are many who are unable to weather the storms of being ‘out of sync’. I think this is sometimes referred to as ‘growing apart’ in instances of faded marital bliss.

When you are married, you have a greater level of accountability for working through these ‘out of sync’ periods. However, should you feel the same level of responsibility for dealing with these periods during a dating relationship? What happens when the person you are with no longer walks in harmony with you?

I believe we can all learn a valuable lesson through our relationship with God through Christ. Truth be told, we don’t always walk in alignment and harmony with Him, but we choose to hang in there because of His character and what He represents in our lives. Similarly, this should be a requirement for the relationships we choose to maintain and cultivate in our personal lives. Is the person we’re connected to a representative of love and character Christ offers to our lives? If so, hang in there because all relationships will have their ups and downs, and it’s irresponsible to flee at the hint of a temporary disconnect. If not, examine whether a change needs to be made in the status of your relationship.

KP

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